Back to school means many things. It's the start of another year of growth for our children. It means back to sports, back to holidays, back to friends, back to routines. And after this last year of virtual hell (I mean...is there any other word to describe last year?), for so many this back to school year means back to NORMAL!
Yes, masks still need to be worn by the kids, depending on what state you live in, so that part isn't essentially "normal", but kids are going TO school, not just doing school at home...which I never thought we be so huge! But it is...and I'm so thankful. Partly because when my kids went back to school...I was able to get back to ME!
Getting back to me hasn't been easy though. It's taken time...it's taken discipline...it's taken a commitment to myself. When I posted my last blog update, I said I would try and be consistent with at least a few blog posts a week (because daily with four kids was too much) but I really wanted to stick with writing because writing is my thing...always has been...so I thought, snapping out 2-3 blog posts a week should be doable. That was May 20. (And a side note PS, I've been working on this blog for 2 weeks...)
When you have kids they become priority, as they should. These tiny little humans depend on you for EVERYTHING. When you have 4 kids...and when the youngest has special needs...and when your husband has a demanding job that puts 95% of the EVERYTHING your kids need on your shoulders, it's very easy to put what you love, what makes you happy, what gives you peace, to the side because, well, there are just not enough hours in the day. All that did was make me moody, snappy, and irritated. It was like I was PMS-ing every flipping day because I was just cranky ALL. THE. TIME.
Finally, I said screw that, and I made the time for me because I realized that if I didn't make time for myself, for what made me happy...then I'd just stay miserable and, eventually, be resentful of my family (whom I love so very much and I didn't want that to happen).
I started with sports and working out. I have always played sports (softball being my main squeeze my whole life), so when I found out that there was a kickball league for military spouses at pretty much each duty station we've lived at, I always played. I didn't plan to play when we moved to CA last year because with 4 kids and with R's special needs, my husband deploying, virtual school...etc...I just thought it'd be too much. But, a former teammate from my time in Yuma was stationed here as well and convinced me to come play with her.
One of the things that is great about kickball is that every Sunday, it's time for the moms to take a break during that hour game. Kids run around with other kids and play, dads come to watch the littlest littles and cheer on their wives, and the moms get to focus on a GAME. We don't have to think about who is hungry, who has to go potty, who is fighting over the tv remote, did the kids do their homework, what does my work week look like, what am I cooking for dinner, is the laundry done, what's on my to-do list tomorrow....... Who knew that playing a game for an hour could be so therapeutic for the tired mom mind?
While kickball is my therapy every Sunday, during the week I realized that if I didn't work out in the AM, it just wasn't happening. Because let's face it, the day FLYS by when the kids are gone and when they get home, they have sports, homework, then there's dinner to cook, bath and bedtime...and zero energy left for cardio. So for me, when the kids get on the bus at 6:50AM, I come back home and start my workout. The baby sleeps until around 8, so I have 1 hour ALL. TO. MYSELF. So I work up a sweat, and for the rest of the day I feel more awake and my body just feels better after an AM workout. That...in turn...makes me happier throughout the day. So I feel good, and people I interact with throughout the day get a smile instead of a snarl...win, win!
Next was a little push from my sister. She's been asking me for a few paintings for, well, years (my bad). Anyway...I had a canvas that I prepped (last Christmas) and I said screw it, and I got my paints out and literally stopped what else I was doing and just started painting for her because, again, if I don't 'just do it'...it won't get done. So I've started her painting and it is my goal to get it in the mail by next weekend so she can add it to her Halloween décor.
Finally I had a push from my husband to write. He told me he enjoyed reading my blog posts while he was deployed (I didn't even know he was reading them) and he was bummed when they stopped. And I miss writing. Writing is just something that has always come naturally to me and, again (there's a theme here) it makes me HAPPY! So he told me to start every Sunday writing my blog first thing in the morning with my coffee, to give myself that time. So I am. (We were sitting watching TV tonight, Sunday, and he looked at me and asked if I finished my blog. When I just frowned at him, he said, "Let's go. We'll go upstairs and I'll read and you can finish your blog." So here I am...adding pictures and this little bit so I can finally get back to it.)
I am making the time for myself, for things that made me happy, because as a happy mom, I have more patience for my kids. As a happy mom, I have more confidence in myself. My husband gets a better version of me, my kids get a better version of me...and I? I get the best version of myself because, damn it, I'm worth it. (And when you have the support of a husband who also knows you're worth it...it makes getting back to you a smoother ride on a bumpy road.)
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