I posted last week about the best day of deployment...homecoming day. The day they come back home...it can't be beat! But...what most people know about homecomings tends to end the second the sappy video that leaves tears streaming down your face stops playing. It's not all happy tears and smiles every day from then on.
Reintegration. It's a term military families will hear as their loved one gets closer to coming home, and it's one that should be taken very seriously. What most spouses, children, extended family members, and even the deployed family member themselves tend to forget is that, yes, they were only gone for 6 (or however many long) months...but life didn't stop. As I tell my students in the classroom when they are absent, we don't sit around and turn oxygen into carbon dioxide while we wait for their return.
No...we keep moving forward, we keep doing the things, we keep living. But when you keep living for months on end, routines develop, and that means they develop with you flying solo, with you making all the decisions and doing all the things. So...when your spouse comes home, not only do they need to learn the new routine...but the family bus you've been driving solo all this time, now has another driver. It's an adjustment on both sides that starts when they leave, but doesn't end when they get back.
For me, when hubby leaves, it takes about a month for me to actually settle into a routine that I am comfortable with, and one that I can handle on my own with my four kids. The first few weeks or so after he leaves for any amount of time, I can't sleep very well. I need time to adjust to him just not being there, not having his weight on the other side of the bed. It also takes me about that long to stop feeling sorry for myself just because I miss my husband.
For my kids, it took about two months for their emotions to return to normal as well. We've gone without my husband for several weeks at a time before with no issues, so I assumed that with this deployment, I would have a few weeks before the tantrums and missing-daddy-meltdowns occurred. I was wrong.
From day one, all my kids were whiny, crying, acting out, lying, going against house rules. It was like a soap opera of emotions every.single.day. It was a, "Can there BE any more tears left to cry? Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode of: 'Everything is Worth Crying Over,'" kind of time. I was mentally, physically, and emotionally drained on a daily basis. But...after about two months, it got better. It was slow to get there...but it got better. We got into our routine with school, soccer, friends, working out (for me...an outlet I 100% needed for stress), and just our day to day.
And things were fine...minus the monthly ER visits, the car break downs...and all the other Murphy's Law of Deployment occurrances...but that's a different Blog post! Click the link below to read about that adventure.
He came home on a Wednesday, and had off that following Thursday and Friday, followed by the weekend, to recharge, readjust to the time change, sleep, and be with us. But, come Monday morning, work resumed. Sometimes it's hard for families to understand that just because they're back, work doesn't stop. And yes, they "should" get post-deployment leave, but it's not usually immediately following them coming home.
His first week back wasn't terrible. He was home for dinner Monday and Tuesday...but then had night flights Wednesday and Thursday that meant him coming home well after the kids and me were already in bed. The kids knew he was home when they came downstairs and saw his bag and boots, which made things a tiny bit easier. Not too terrible...until this week rolled around.
The kids saw him in the morning when everyone was up and getting ready for school. My husband made breakfast, ate, got ready, and left for work, and that's all the kids saw him all week. One hour in the morning. That's it. No dinner. No bath time. No bed time. We were back to my four year old crying, "I want da-da" for every little thing because she couldn't understand why daddy was gone...again.
And me...I'm in the, "you're not physically here but I'm dealing with all your stuff still?" irritated kind of mood. For example...he takes a shower when he gets home after midnight...and I'm somehow walking in puddles at 6am on the way to the toilet. Why? Where does all the water come from? I don't understand.
And getting dressed...apparently means opening every. single. drawer...and leaving it open. Maybe so his clothes don't get claustrophobic? I don't know.
Or when he is up in the AM with us and I go to get coffee...and there he is...standing IN FRONT OF the coffee. I'm not used to sharing the kitchen space with anyone in the morning as I drink my morning coffee, make the kids breakfast/lunches/get the baby's food ready for the day...you know...my morning routine that I established when he was gone. Now there is this 6 foot body in the way every time I turn around. Literally...him and the dog...always. in. the. way.
Now don't get me wrong, I would MUCH rather deal with slip and sliding to the toilet, delayed coffee gratification, tripping over boots and closing dresser drawers every day, then have him not be here. Because let's face it, you miss even the random annoying things as much as the good stuff. Buuuuuut, it takes time to get used to all of those things again. Just like it took me a couple of months to adjust to him not being here...so will it take some time for me to adjust to him being here again.
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