I have four children (one of whom is a teenage boy) and a dog. It's not uncommon for there to be random smells throughout the day that make my nose scrunch and go, "ugh...what is that?" However...this morning...the smell was me. Yes, it was me. Today's post will be on self care, the details of which I will get into in a moment. It's also mainly for the women-folk to relate to. So, unless you're a man who shaves his legs and waxes his eyebrows...this post probably isn't for you. Also, hubby, if you are reading this post...continue at your own risk. Consider yourself warned.
Now...ladies...I know we all remember a time when we would beautify ourselves and give attention to just us. (Usually pre-children). We would emerge from the bathroom a silken goddess with beautiful hair, lotion slicked skin, smooth shaved legs, a face that had been tended to, and all of this whether it was for a night on the town or a night on the couch. We took pride in ourselves. Some of you might still do that on the regular, even with kids, to which I applaud you. (Seriously...good for you...and email me your secrets).
However, if you are like me, you know you need to take time for yourself, just like you know that you are as important as your husband and your kids, and you know how to make that happen. But...knowing and doing are not the same things. Plus, you can just slap a filter on your selfie right? I have let myself get into the habit of, "I'll do it later." Well..."I'll do it later" turned into bushy eyebrows, leg hair that could flap in the breeze, and, well, odor from several days in a row of not showering. (If you're thinking to yourself that you've never stooped so low...keep it to yourself Karen... #dontjudge )
I will admit, part of my...relaxed sense of hygiene as of late...stems from the fact that my husband is deployed. That, and it's winter. Seriously, who shaves on the regular in winter? But I will confess that, "Who do I have to impress?" is just the main excuse I tell myself. The other part is because of my kids, and my sense of wanting to make sure they are taken care of 100% first. After dividing my attention x 4 each day, it leaves little time for me.
An average day (that doesn't involve any of my daughter's doctor appointments, or school pick up and drop offs for my middle 2, at least for the next week and a half that we are still virtual, or any other errands I have to run on the regular) looks like this: I'm up at 5:30am to start my youngest daughter's medicine and feeding session, which is every three hours, with the last feed starting at 9pm. When she feeds, she's hooked up to a tube and pump and I can't leave her. The feeding takes just over an hour. By 7am, the other 3 kids are up and it's time for breakfast and getting ready for online school, which starts at 8am. School, with its varied check in times for both my 6 and 4 year old, goes until 2pm and I'm usually right there for one or both so I can help when needed.
After school is done, I use the time I have left while my youngest daughter's nurse is still here to put dinner together. At 4pm, when the nurse leaves, it's outside time for everyone and I get my afternoon mile in while pushing the stroller up and down our street. We are back in around 5pm to start dinner, eat, take baths, then it's chill and TV until bed times that start at 7:30pm. When I finally do have time to myself, usually around 10pm, sleep is a much more alluring use of my time than water and soap.
All that changed on January 1. My twin sister, who also recently had a baby girl in August of 2020, and I decided to be each other's champion for self care. We made a plan that included diet, specifically counting our macros, exercise, water intake, and a promise to be each other's beacon when we strayed off course. It's so easy to talk yourself out of what you should do when you're alone. So far, it's been going really well. But, diet and exercise only go so far. I looked at myself in the mirror last night. I mean, I REALLY looked. I got all up in that mirror and was looking at every pore, every hair, every wrinkle (where did those new ones come from?)...and I thought...'gross'.
I was so sick of myself...so I did something about it. I got out my wax (which I feel like I have to add, I do use on a regular basis...normally. My uber grossness has only been exceptionally bad this past week) and I took care of the bushes growing on my face. Even that little bit was a great improvement to my mood.
Next...I took a gloriously hot shower. I washed my hair, and used conditioner! I exfoliated...yes...exfoliated and scrubbed until I could smell nothing but soap. I took my time. I didn't just swipe and rinse. I am worth more than a two minute dive and dash in the shower. After, I felt not just clean, but refreshed. It boosted my mood immediately. Yes, my hair may have gone straight up to a mom bun because, let's be real, I still have to work out later and I really am not going anywhere today. But, it's clean and smells nice. I am clean and smell nice.
I want my children to be taken care of. I want them to be happy, and healthy, and clean, and want for nothing. But, something that they NEED, that is all too easy to forget, is a happy mom. A happy mom won't yell as much. A happy mom won't be as tired or grumpy. A happy mom is also a mom that teaches her children that self care is just as important as the care you give to those around you.
Being a geographically single parent, it's so easy to fall into the habit of doing for everyone else, because there is no one here to look at me and say, 'What about you?' It wasn't until I looked in the mirror, REALLY looked, that I was able to ask myself that question. I mentioned earlier that it was easy to excuse my lack of self care because my husband wasn't here so, 'Who do I have to impress?' Well...actually...the answer is me. I should be impressed with myself because I'm pretty damn awesome (if I do say so myself). So I'm worth the time it takes to impress myself.
So are you! Whatever your personal routine is, or was, to get back to that fabulous woman before life happened...do it! It doesn't have to be every day because, hello, dry shampoo, but you're worth the time when you do take it. That woman that would spend all that time on herself when she was younger? The woman your husband fell in love with because she was young and free and awesome? The woman who, when she was younger, put herself first because she was worth it? Your kids deserve to know that woman too.
I'm working on bringing her back. One day...one shower...at a time.
Maybe I'll give myself a manicure later...
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